The Vocation of Trust

Control.

Is it the opposite of trust? I don’t know. Probably.

It is easy for me to trust God when I think I am in control.

Confession. I don’t think I have trusted God much over the last 18+ months because it has become painfully obvious how little control I have over my life.

Being a pastor through 2020 and 2021 (well, simply being a human living on planet earth) has done two things to my heart. First, it has made me a little bit more bitter and jaded towards humanity. Second, it has forced me to open my eyes to look for God’s miraculous hand at work in the most ordinary places. 

I am not going to focus on the former because I know everyone has experienced this phenomenon. So, let me explain the latter.

I’m embarrassed that I am only now realizing this, but I can’t control the outcome of 99.9% of what I am paid to do. I am paid to preach a sermon to people every week… but I can’t make people come to church on Sunday. I am paid to help people walk closer with God… but I can’t make people desire a deeper relationship with their Maker. I am paid to walk with people when they are walking through difficult seasons of life, but I can’t make people open up to me when their family is in crisis, or when their marriage is on the brink of collapse.

Now, A LOT more goes into being a pastor than those three things (I am sure I will be writing about how we need to reimagine church for our current culture, but this is what I am working with at the moemt), but those things are near the top of the list. And you know what? I like doing those things and I think I am alright at them. Not perfect, but pretty good!

Sure, there are things I can control in those three areas. I can prayerfully prepare for Sunday, and I do. I can disciple people who are willing to follow, and I do. I can make myself available and try to reach out when I sense someone is hurting, and I do, albeit imperfectly. But I cannot control or force any kind of response or result in the hearts of the people I am called to pastor.

The past 18+ months have taught me that my vocation is a vocation of trust, not of control.

This is where the last 18+ months have forced me to open my eyes to look for God’s miraculous hand at work in the most ordinary places. 

It is a miracle that anyone shows up to worship on Sunday… ‘cause ya know… the internet and youth sports.

It is a miracle that anyone ever wants to learn how to pray… ‘cause ya know… Oprah and teenage social media influencers… on the internet.

It’s a miracle that anyone invites me into the brokenness of their lives… ‘cause of ya know… I live in the suburbs and my life and family are perfect. Didn’t you see my IG story, pastor?  … on the internet.

I know that all sounds cynical, well, because it is. But God is beginning to free me from the need to control what I think of as my ministry. He is beginning to free me from believing that he needs me to do important pastor stuff for him. Every Sunday I preach or sing that God doesn’t love or accept us because of the things we do for him. And by his grace, he is showing me that I haven’t been practicing what I preach.

I am re-reading Nouwen’s In the Name of Jesus. In the first chapter, he writes,

The great message that we have to carry, as ministers of God’s Word and followers of Jesus, is that God loves us not because of what we do or accomplish, but because God created and redeemed us in love and has chosen us to proclaim that love as the true source of all human life.

That’s it. That is all I can do. I can tell and show people that they are deeply loved by Jesus. However, I can’t control the outcome. So, instead of trying to control my ministry, I am learning to simply trust God with what lies before me each day. I am trying to faithfully sow gospel seeds and then trust that God will do with them what he wants (even if I think he is doing it wrong… that is a joke… kind of) and watch ordinary miracles burst up from the dirt of life.

So, if you find yourself reading this and are in vocational ministry take a deep breath and chill out brother or sister. God is not disappointed that your church is half the size it was 18 months ago. On the flip side, he is not impressed with your cool live stream and growing online presence. Those things have nothing to do with how he sees you.

God loves you because he created you and redeemed you.

Let that sink in. You are loved.

Period.

Then begin to embrace that he has chosen you to proclaim his love to whoever he brings into your life… today.

What if we focused on that? What if we encourage each other in that? What if at church nerd meetings and ministry flexing conferences we reminded one another of that good news?! Just a thought.

And to my non-church worker friends, I have a feeling everything you just read can apply to your life in some shape or form.

Grace and peace ‘till we rise in glory.

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