But Statements

But statements.

We all hate them, but we all use them.

Do any of these but statements sound familiar?

I am sorry I made you feel that way, but…

Yeah, I was going to get around to that, but…

Wow, that was great, but…

This week I read this about but statements,

“The word ‘But’ negates whatever precedes it and can create a sense of defensiveness.”

If you are on the giving side of a but statement you may not realize that by using that one little word you have made everything else you said up to that point (no matter how encouraging) disappear as if you never said it. Maybe you are a parent who uses but statements with your kids.

Good job on that math test little Jimmy, but what happened with your English grade?

Sure, you acknowledged your child’s success, but all your child took away from that sentence was how he or she didn’t measure up to your expectation for English.

This can be crippling for a child, or anyone for a matter of fact.

Think about the impact of the following but statement in an already strained relationship.

I am sorry I made you feel that way, but you said or did fill in the blank first.

This won’t get you anywhere. Is this going to help the person you are speaking with really hear what you are saying? It’s possible that the other person is left wondering if you are actually sorry. That one little word most likely only built up the defensive wall that was already separating the two of you.

Now, you may be wondering where this is all going. Me too, kind of.

As I was reading from the Bible this week, I realized there is only one person I don’t mind hearing a but statement from.

That’s God.

I was reading Romans 5 verse 8 when God seemed to punch me in the throat in the best kind of way.

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

That but statement stuck out to me like a big ol’ booty from an 80’s hip-hop video.

I’ve read that verse countless times, and for some reason, it stopped me in my tracks on this particular day. Maybe it’s because I needed to be reminded that at the end of the day life really boils down to this…

I am loved by God. 

I get paid to remind people of this week in and week out.

I have read a small library worth of books that basically all boil down to that one simple reality.

Yet, I tend to forget that I am loved by God. I mean I know it on a theological level. But at the heart level, I often forget that God’s love for me is the basic operating system from which the rest of my life is designed to flow from.

On that particular day, I needed to hear God’s but statement.

This past week I didn’t feel particularly close to God. I didn’t feel particularly spiritual or pastor-like. My heart and mind have been plagued with questions and anxiety. My mind has been clouded with worrisome thoughts. 

And to top it off we just had a wonderful few days with my in-laws. They just left to go back to California and now Tanya and I miss them dearly. We miss watching Soren playing trucks with grandma and grandpa. We miss having a full dinner table filled with laughter and Rudy’s BBQ (Seriously, my in-laws have an obsession with Rudy’s. I think they had it three times in the five or so days they were here). Our home feels very empty now.

But God… I needed to hear that this week.

In the larger context, this passage assures us that there is nothing we can do, or not do, to earn or lose God’s love. The Message paraphrase puts it this way,

We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.

Many of us still operate from a place where we think we have to be really religious, super-spiritual, or just good enough to earn God’s love. That is where God’s but statement comes into play.

It’s as if God’s but statement negates what came before verse 8. Paul was making the argument that none of us are religious enough, spiritual enough, or good enough to earn God’s love. It’s not about earning. It’s about receiving, receiving a gift. A gift isn’t earned. A gift is freely given. All you can do is humbly receive it with gratitude.

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Let that sink in. I don’t know where you and Jesus are at. You may love him deeply. You may think he was an enlightened spiritual teacher worthy of modeling your life after. Or you may be pissed off at him right now. Wherever you are at let this but statement set in.

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

God’s but statement negates the false ideas and beliefs we hold onto about him without bringing shame or guilt into the picture.

You may be saying some but statements to God about his but statement to you.  

God, you say you love me, but…

God, you say you forgive me, but…

God, but fill in the blank.

This is God’s response to your but statement.

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

May God’s Spirit enable your entire being to receive this good news with humility and gratitude.

Grace and peace till we rise in glory.